Only if you knew
by free as a bird98
Summary: Soda got life changing news. He learns he has one year to leave his mark on the world. He makes the hardest decisions in his entire life. What will happen when the fragile family is changed forever?
1. August 14th, 1966 ( Preview)

Before you read:

This explain the event leading to the second chapter. Dates are important they give a timeline as the story skips to date after this chapter.

August 14th, 1966

Dear Darry and Pony, this is the first leg of my story. I am writing this journal because you will be mighty confused in a matter of months. I'm _dying._

August 14th, 1966

I was going though a personal hell. No one could help me, not even the doctors. Doctors are supposed to be able to heal the doctors had a name for the disease. It's called leukemia and they know vary little about it , it't slowly killing me. The doctors have a successes rate of 5-10 percent of curability.

To be honest, that's a 90-95 percent rate that i could still die. My chances aren't great. I am not really in any pain because of the different medicines I'm on. That's why i was suddenly more clumsy and forgetful. I would rather live out my final days than take some medicine that would make feel like crap v.s. not feeling like crap.

Dying changes everything, especially the way your mind works. I had never thought I would be dying. But that's how the irony of life for you, me goof ole Sodapop Curtis who is as free as the wind. This isn't some sob story about some kid who dies young. Let me tell you my story before I'm gone like the wind.  
This is for my brothers, it an about a year you are gonna be so confused.

One thing about the news that you have one year left is you gonna make the best of it. There are so many things left unsaid so I wrote this for you. I might not be a writer like Pony but I hope it gives you the answers you're looking for in the months to come.

So around next summer around July, i will gone. But you won't know i was supposed to die because of this awful disease. Don't focus on the fact i didn't tell you or over think why i didn't tell you.

The truth is I wanted to leave my last year in peace. When someone is dying they always are overwhelmed with the question, "How are you? or "Are you Okay?" or the worst "How are you coping?". Those are the worst, i will tell you how i fell like hell.

Hell is the only word that can describe the gray haze of life i am going though right now. It't not easy when demons of life are chasing you. But right now, I just want to live the short period of time i have left. It won't be so horrible that i'm gone, you two have each other.

You have to stick together when the going gets rough. I can't play the peacekeeper anymore. Even, if its just to two of you make the best of it for me.

Dying changes everything, especially the way your mind works. I had never thought I would be dying. But that's how the irony of life for you, me goof ole Sodapop Curtis who is as free as the wind. This isn't some sob story about some kid who dies young. Let me tell you my story before I'm gone like the wind.

_The definition of dying- _

_dying- _

_About to die, drawing to an end; declining, the end_

_The definition of life-_

_life- _

_the existence of an individual human being or animal_

This is for my brothers, it an about a year you are gonna be so confused. One thing about the news that you have one year left is you gonna make the best of it. There are so many things left unsaid so I wrote this for you. I might not be a writer like Pony but I hope it gives you the answers you're looking for in the months to come.

Darry, promise me one thing give your kid brother a break. I've told you a million times Pone's not like you. Pony has a way with words that you will never understand the same way Pony won't understand your love with football. Don't give him hell, keep in mind he's not you. Don't try to make him you.

Pone; promise me one thing, see you older brother in a new light. Darry's not like you. Don't make him about to be a bad guy because he's not. He wants what's best for you even though the way he does it makes him look like an asshole. He make act like an asshole but he's more than that. He loves you.

Let me tell you about the definition of life and death. I can't tell you the meaning of life yet but this is can. Life is your time to leave a mark on the world and death is the time where your mark is seen. Only you can make the most of your life and hope someone remembers you.

One reason i didn't tell you is you both would have wanted me to undergo treatment. I couldn't do that, i couldn't. With the medicines to attempt to treat it would kill me faster than the disease itself. I knew i had a short time, it wasn't a death was a reason to love harder, forgive quicker and enjoy each day you have on planet earth.


	2. July 17th, 1967- ( Part 1 of 3)

Skipping twelve months to explain the story and how the journal works. This will lead to the brothers finding the truth about Soda's unexpected death.

July 17th, 1967- ( Part 1 of 2)

Soda-

The pain took over my body, the pain had increased and so had the drugs. It was hard to breath and get out of bed in the morning. I wanted to yelp in pain when my brothers hugged. Even just a tender touch bothers my sensitive skin.

I lie in bed while my brothers are away for day. I know more than likely today i will die. I can feel it in bones that the pain will take over. I will die alone just i planned. Dying isn't the end of life, dying is just the second part of life. Soon , I will be reunited with my parents, Johnny and Dally. Not a bad way to end the twelve months of continuous pain.

I down the last pill and swallow with the water. It helps the pain but i still have a slight pain that won't go away. For the most part drugs don't help with the pain, it just makes it manageable. Today is a sunny typical summer day, the kind of days i love. I was dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

I felt the warmth of the sun though the window. My breathing got harder and the pain worsen. I forced myself to think about mama and daddy rather than my brothers who would be home soon.

Everything was taken care of, my letters were written and the answers were in their capable hands. I had worked for the last few months to set aside money to give towards Pony's collage fund. I had planned my own funeral months ago. The family doctor would explain what my letters didn't.

I knew where i was to be buried and what i would wear. I was gonna be buried next to my parents underneath the maple tree of the local cemetery. I wouldn't be dressed in a suit. I wanted to be dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and my converse. Everything was taken care off.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the pillow. My throat was dry as i took a deep breath. I was surrounded by a bright light that took over my vision. My body shook with pain and i want to scream but slowly my pain faded. I felt numb and my heart seemed to beat slower. I close my eyes and thought of my Mama. My life flashed before my eyes as i took my last breath.


	3. July 17th, 1967- ( Part 2 of 3)

Pony and Darry returned from the outing, they had gone fishing but caught nothing. They asked Soda if he wanted to join he he declined for a reason unknown to the brothers. Usually, Soda went along fishing when his brothers went. Darry thought Soda had been acting awful odd lately. He seems more forgetful and clumsy. Pony too had noticed a difference in his happy-go-lucky brother.

"I'm going to check on Soda", Pony says

"Alright, i gonna get a snack from the kitchen", Darry says

Pony with a smile plastered on his face thinking happily about spending time with his older brother. Darry and Pony rarely spent time together. It was a nice treat and for once they were getting along alright.

Pony walked into Soda and his started shrug off his jeans. Pony had changed into a pair of shorts before climbing into to bed to wake his brother.

"Soda", Pony says shaking his brother gently

Soda wouldn't walk up and it began to worry Pony. Pony hadn't know his brother to be this hard to wake. Lately, Soda had slept more and more. It seemed strange to his brothers but neither questioned it. They assumed it was working later shifts at the D.X. Station.

"Darry he won't wake up" , Pony yells

"Alright, he's probably foolin'", Darry calls back from the kitchen

Pony had noticed when he touched Soda's skin that it was awful cold for the summer time heat. He mind raced with possibilities but he fear the worst.

"Darry, something isn't right. He's not breathing", Pony says yanking his older brother into the room

"Alright , kiddo", Darry says following

"Alright, kid brother. Stop foolin' around, it ain't funny", Darry says

Darry moves to Soda's still body and shakes Soda gently.

Darry's eyes fill with fear as he moves to Soda's wrists.

Darry took a shakey breath as he checked his younger brother's wrist for a pulse.

"He's dead", Darry says

"But not Soda", Pony says with tears in his eyes

"Kiddo, he's dead. He's not here with us", Darry says softly

"He looks he's sleeping so peaceful", Pony says

Darry was silent as he let his guard down. He had been so strong both mentally and physically for the last two years. But this was different his kid brother lies died in his bed without an explanation. How could a healthy eighteen year old die?

Darry couldn't stop his walls from caving in. Soda was the peacekeeper and translator It was like Darry and Pony spoke different languages. Darry nor Pony could understand each other but Soda could speak both.

Darry's body shook as he cried, he wrapped his strong muscular arms around the stiff cold body of his brother. He cradled Soda limply to his chest. His brother was really gone and there was nothing Darry could do about it.

"I need to call to have Soda's body removed", Darry says

Pony just sits on the floor. Neither male knew what to say, the shock had taken over. It felt them confused about why their brother dropped dead.

The family doctor had received the call , he was going over to the Curtis house to explain everything. The funeral director was to pick up the body. Within minuets , the family doctor Doc Adams had arrived.

Pony sat on the couch with Darry's arm cuddling him close. Pony rested his head on his older brother's chest. Doc Adams took a seat across from the boys.

"I'm sorry that you have no idea what has happened. I only respected Soda's wishes. These journals should explain everything. Soda had a blood disease called leukemia. It was slowly killing him, treatment has a slim chance for a cure and Soda was given a year to life. He choose to not tell you and to tell you after his death", Doc Adams explains

"Was Soda in any pain?", Darry asks his voice nearly breaking

"Yes, I am afraid he was. It was mostly manageable until the time of death. He had the highest amount of meds and he still was in pain. He also slept a lot because his body was easily tired.", Doc Adams explains

"How long did he know?", Darry asks

Darry did most of the talking and Pony felt unable to form words at the moment.

"Since August pf 1966", Doc Adams says

"Would the treatment have helped?", Darry asks

"I see a rate of 5-10 percent of cure. Soda's disease had advanced and i find advanced cases tend to not do well. In my year and half of using this treatment i find cases in the early stages tend to do better", Doc Adams explains

" I better be going", Doc Adams says

"Thank you" , Darry says

Darry comforted his brother who had been silent since finding Soda dead.

"Why didn't he tell us?", Pony asks

"I don't know baby", Darry says

"Can we read the journal?", Pony asks

"May be it holds some answers", Darry says

The brothers lie on the floor of the living room reading the journal. They cuddled close comforting each other as they read. Although, Soda was gone his presence in the house still lingered. Why did Soda have to die? His brothers still need him so much. It wasn't fair the brothers have lost so many people they love.

They always seemed to use those they loved. First was Mama and Daddy, then they lost Johnny and Dally It just wasn't fair and now their brothers was gone. Darry and Pony thought it was hard to lose parents it seems losing Soda is harder.

Maybe because their parents had forty some years on planet earth but their brother had only eighteen short years. He had a future ahead of him and there wasn't one now.


	4. July 17th, 1967 (Part 3 of 3)

Author's note: I feel the desire to write the began of the chapter like this. I believe in heaven so I want to write what happens as its part of Soda's journey. I believe and you can believe alright.v I wrote this as part 3. Enjoy.

Soda-

After the sudden flash light and memories, I was transport somewhere else. I was supposed to be dead. I knew those drugs have a funky effect on my brain.

"Okay, I am supposed to be dead. Why i am not?", I wonder

I began to walk around as i came to realize, I'm not in pain and the thirty pounds i lost is back. I was wearing jeans and my favorite shirt. This isn't how i picture heaven where's the pearly gates and the gate keeper. I was confused by this.

"Soda", I hear a familiar voice of my mama

"Mama?", I called out

I turned around and saw my Mama. She was just as beautiful as i remembered. I wrapped my arms around here and i smelled her hair. I wasn't so sure it was a dream when my Dad, Johnny and Dallas had joined.

"Okay, seriously. What is going on? Dallas Winston in heaven?", I say

"Don't question, ask the boss man", Dallas says

"Honey, you're dead.", Mama says

"There is no way. This is just a weird dream", I agreed

"It's hard to take it all in but it's the truth", Dad says

"Come here", Johnny says

Johnny lead me over to the edge. I looked down i saw the world from a different angle.

"That's earth, there's your brothers", Johnny says

"i don't want to be dead", I say

"We understand", Mama says wrapping her arms around me

"Son, the boss man needs to speak with you", Dad says before giving me a hug

A man with a clipboard lead me to the main office. I read the door "The man upstairs himself". Alright. I was lead into the small office and took a seat. A man dressed in a suit with a Irish Flat cap and cigar in his mouth.

"Soda", He says

"What do i call you?", I ask

"Anything you want", the man says

"Alright boss man, lay it on me. Why am i here?", I say

Man, being dead gives you guts. I probably shouldn't be talking to the creator like this but he started it.

"You have two options. You can either go straight to heaven to be with your family or you can be sent on a earthy mission. Your mission would to be their guardian angle until your mission is complete and then you can go to heaven", the boss man explains

"I want the earthy mission", Soda says

"Alright, your mission bings tomorrow return here and i will go over everything you need to know", the Boss man says

"One question how did Dallas make it into heaven?", I ask

"Everyone thinks its a one way street. He had enough points to go either way. I gave him a second chance, it was fair that way. It's actual a two way street , your actions speak louder than words",the big man explains

Still July 17th, 1966

"Let's go to bed", Darry says

"Ummm, Darry. Can i sleep with you? I never want to sleep in the same bed that my brother died in", Pony says

"Sure, kiddo", Darry says

Pony walks into Darry's room while Darry is marking the spot in the book they ended on. Darry's room hadn't changed much since he graduated high school. Same old stuff just a lot neater, than when he was in high school.

Pony pulled off his shirt and shorts before climbing into Darry's bed. Darry came into the room and stripped his clothes off. Darry crawled into bed wrapping an arm around his kid brother. Pony snuggled close to Darry's bare chest. Pony tried to pretend he was cuddling with his middle brother and Darry tried to remember the way Soda held Pony close.

Soon, both brothers were fast asleep and the events of today had melt of their shoulders for now. Pony got one look at Darry before he feel asleep. Darry looks alot younger when he's asleep.

Darry decided tomorrow he would talk with the funeral director. Even Soda's plans had been made, there was one thing Darry wanted to do.


	5. July 18th, 1967

July 18th,1667

Soda-

I walked down to the boss man's office. I was being sent on my mission today. I knocked on the door , I heard a come in and took a seat.

"alright , Soda. You are taking the identity of a man named Daniel Roberts. He's a twenty-two year old pastor. You will temporary become the pastor after Pastor Bob dies of a heart attack. Basically, you were Soda's spiritual guide until his death. So you know everything and how to comfort your brothers. I'll have my assistant write the sermons and he will help you. Just know you aren't Soda anymore you are Pastor Dan.", the boss man explains

"Are you crazy? I don't know anything about being a pastor! How am I supposed to preach when i really want to tell them how crazy our creator is?", Soda says

"Crazy is just a word and that's why David will help you, he explains

"Fine, are there any rules i should know about?", Soda asks

"You can't tell them who you are. that's the only main rule and don't get attached. It's not there time yet so just guide them along. ", he explains

"Alright", Soda says

"here's your bible, file and wrist watch. The watch is your direct link to get ahold of head quaters if you need back up.", he says

I made my way back down to earth. I had died the day before. Man, I had been on a crazy journey since I died.

I was supposed to go to my own funeral which was tomorrow. I need to get my brain to understand I am not Soda, I am Dan. Soda has died but Dan is on mission.

Darry-

Pony was still asleep so Darry just watched him. He looks so peaceful, I thought to myself. I throw an arm around Pony and cuddled him close. "I love you Pony", I saw whispering to him in his sleepy state. I knew that I needed to be gentler with Pony like Soda says.

"Darry?", Pony says sounding half-awake

"Yeah", I say

"Can we have pancakes for breakfast with chocolate chips and blue dye the way Soda used to make them?", Pony asks

"Sure, we can", I say

I smiled at the thought of what Soda would have to say about the continuous food dyeing part of our meals. I got up to make pancakes after slipping on sweats and a t-shirt. Pony stretched out line the middle of my bed. I was secretly glad Pony decided to sleep in my bed.

I've never know how to be gentle with him. Even, as children I was always too rough with him. Soda isn't here anymore and know i need to be gentle. I was scared out of my mind because Soda isn't here. Soda was my rock, he held me together when I needed some one. I went to him when i didn't understand Pony, now it just Pony and I on our own.

I began to cook the pancakes and bacon making a little extra figuring Two-bit and Steve always come over. Glory, they don't know that Soda died. I guess there has to be a letter for them. If not I'll just read them the journals too. I can explain why he didn't say anything.

I finished making breakfast when I felt Pony's arms wrap around my waist . I hugged back and just smiled at him. I like when Pony not scared or angry with me. I can be a little rough when I'm mad, I just want whats best for him. It's hard when you want more for his future than your own.

"morning little colt", I say

"morning superman", Pony says

I secretly loved being called superman, it brings me pride. I just want to protect Pony from the world. But i can't, sure i can protect him from socs but not from the world outside of our house. I handed Pony a plate and he sat down to eat.

I poured the chocolate milk for Pony and fixed my coffee. I unwrapped the left overtake, Soda made this cake. I wiped the tear away not wanting Pony to see me crying like some baby. I knew Pony always liked Soda's caker better. He needs to savor this one.

I heard the door slam and the grumbles of Steve. Ah, Two-bit and Steve are here. Two-bit always slams the door and Steve always grumbles. There are some normlices to my life. They grab a plate and notice the blue as if its nothing knew.

"Where Soda at? I see he's been here", Steve says grumbling

I catch the look in Pony's eyes. I see fear and sadness, I wasn't going to make Pony go anywhere today. I wasn't even going to work. I was glad it was summer, I don't think Pony could handle school right now.

"He's asleep", I said quickly

Well, it part of the truth. He's sleeping just not in his bed. He's sleeping in the clouds with Mama and Daddy. Gosh, I sound like Pony. My life is falling apart as we speak.

After breakfast, we went into the living room. Two-bit and Pony sat on the floor watching Mickey. Steve was sitting on the couch.

"I better wake that lazy son of a gun", Steve says

"No, umm. Steve, we need to talk", I say

"About?",Steve says

"Soda", I say

Saying his name hurts too much.

I move to turn of the tv. Mickey went off and I sat down. Two-bit looked at me concerned when I was nearly shaking at this point. Soda was dead but I couldn't form the words to say them. I took a deep breath and calmed down for a second. Pony looked like he wanted to bolt out of this room and into the safety of my room but he sat stiffly.

"He died yesterday , He had a terminal illness and he didn't tell anyone. He wrote journals explaining what he thought. He left adive for Pony and I to deal with each other. But he's gone", I say with a shaky sigh.

"He's dead?", Two-bit says more like a statement than a question

Pony bolted to my room at this point in time. I might as well say it was Pony and I's room. There is no way he will sleep in that room again. Neither will I, in fact. Steve didn't say anything.

I heard what sounded like a sob from Steve. Steve turned to look at me. He was crying and he was shaken up just as Pony and I were. Steve Randell never cried not even when his father abused him.

Two-bit was silent, he sat there stiff and didn't move an inch. I had to watch really close to see if he was breathing. I knew what they were thinking, they were the same thoughts i had last night.

"Here, calm down and read this", I say

I left the book next to Two-bit and i went to comfort my brother. Life had changed that was for sure. And i didn't like this change.


	6. Chapter 6- July 20th, 1967 (part 1 of 3)

Darry and Pony had woke up in the morning together. They fixed breakfast but either ate much. Pony wanted to get out of the house for a little while. Darry had just stayed behide the brothers were drifting away. Steve and Two-bit hadn't come over yet since surprised both brothers. Since the funeral no one had stopped by other than to drop of meals for the brothers .

"I can't believe he's gone", Darry says quietly

"I hate it, why did he have die? I hate, I just need to get out of here sometimes", Pony says

"You can't just stop living when you lose someone you know that", Darry says

" I know that Darry. But he's only been gone three days", Pony says

"I know , it's killing me too", Darry says

"You know what he would tell us.", Darry says

"What?", Pony asks

"Stop bawling, there is only enough room in this family for one bawl baby", Darry says

"that's what Soda would say alright", Pony says

"I'm going to the liberty", Pony says

"Here take the truck", Darry says

"Thanks", Pony says

Pony walks out of the house and doesn't look back. He just needed to escape, books isn't how he planned to escape. He drove to St. Luke's christian church and parked the car. He climbed out and went looking for Pastor Dan. He had meet Pastor Dan the the funeral.

He walked up the steps of the church.

Soda-

I stood in the pastor's office. Alright, I have no idea what to do so just wind it until David saves the day. I heard a car pull up and I find Pony at my door. I wanted to wrap him in a hug so badly. But i had to stay in character.

He took a seat across from me. I took in his familiar scent of cigarettes, hair grease and a bit of Darry. It took a lot to not break down there. Being a guardian angle isn't easy, all i want to to is wrap my arms around him and tell Pony how much i love him.

I realize now, how important those three weeks words are. I learned how many I love you's i should have said and how many hugs i should have given. It hurts so bad, but i can't break down.

"How can i help you?", I ask as Pastor Dan

"I just need to talk to someone. And you were with Soda in the last days", Pony says his eyes red and slight tears rolling down his face.

"I was with Soda. It wasn't easy for Soda", I say as Pastor Dan

"I just don't understand how the lord could do this", Pony says

"Well ,I don't understand him either but i work for him", I thought to myself as Soda

"He has a reason for everything although it may not seem that way at the time", I say as Pastor Dan

"But why Soda?", Pony asks

"I don't know but the lord has a plan", I say as Pastor Dan. Sodapop knows why but Dan doesn't. Although , Dan and Soda are the same person.


	7. Chapter 7- July 20th, 1967 (part 1 of 3)

July 20th,1967-

Soda

RECAP-

"_Why did Soda have to die?", Pony asks Pastor Dan_

_"I don't know", Pastor Dan (Soda) says_

_The question its self made Soda turn comfortable in his chair. He didn't understand himself he had to die. The almighty creator had simply stated because Soda had a mission. A mission that went beyond his capabilities while he was alive. Soda had so many questions himself that couldn't be answered. Well, they could be answered but a certain some one won't explain. _

Back to the present-

Soda shook uncomfortably in his chair. He didn't know how to answer Pony's questions. He really wanted to bolt for the door and hug Pony. Why did he have to die and get stuck with this task? Why couldn't he just be alive and still fix the problem? Right, the almighty creator wanted him to do it this way.

Soda was unsure how to explain this to Pony without freaking him out. This was a way of contact which needed to remain. The brothers were in trouble and Soda had to save them, but he wasn't sure what was going on really. He was confused about this whole mission thing.

" I don't understand why your brother died. It's a question , I'm unable to answer. I'm sorry", Soda says as Pastor Dan

" Thanks, I need to get home, I come back another day.", Pony says hugging the man

Soda hid his happiness to hold Pony in his arms on more time, but as Pastor Dan it was a friendly thing. But to Soda it meant the world , he could have a little bit of his world back. He watched as his brother turned and left, he watched as his kid brother climbed into the truck and drove off. Soda closed his eyes and rested his head on the coolness of his desk.

He was suddenly wakened when a knock was at his door, he started into the eyes of his older brother. Soda could see sadness and uncertain in his older brother icey blue eyes that held emotions. Soda had never see this time of emotions in his older brother.

Darry always carried himself with confidence but no evidence of confidence showed this time. "Pastor , I wanted to talk to you", Darry says

Soda could see the bags that circled under Darry's eyes, his hair thinning, a bit of weight loss, the stubble on his chin and the smell of alcohol on his breath. Darry hadn't drank enough to be drunk or tipsy for that matter, he just a beer hoping to hid the pain.

"Sure take a seat", Soda says as Pastor Dan

"You were with Sodapop in the last months, I need some understanding", Darry says

"Sure, I can hopefully provide a bit of understanding", Soda says as Pastor Dan

"Why did he do this? I know he left letters but i still can't understand this. I can't picture my brother feeling like this, why didn't he tell us?", Darry says with a bit of desperation in his voice

"He said you would come for guidance and I had his permission to answer your questions", Soda says as Pastor Dan

"So explain why did he do this?", Darry asks with tears in his eyes , he was on the brink of losing it

" He left like he had too. He was diagnosed with a terminal illness, the disease raised hell in his body and he was weakening by the day. He didn't want to be treated like a sick person, he didn't want you to remember him like that, so he hid it. But he always thought about you and Pony", Soda answers as himself not as Pastor Dan

"I just can't picture my happy go lucky, care-free kid brother like this. His thinking so was mature and unlike him.", Darry says

"A terminal illness changes the way you think. He wasn't think about himself or his health but his brothers. He felt like you guys had gone through enough. He believed if you didn't watch him die for months, his death would be easier to cope with.", Soda answers as himself with a new found confidence

"My sweet baby brother is gone and I woke up to realize that this morning. I had a smile on my face thinking about Soda, but i forgot he was dead", Darry says

"I know its hard to take in", Soda answers truthfully unsure whether he was speaking as Dan or himself

"What was he like in the last new months?", Darry asks

"He was the same person , just a little older and wiser. They say it takes a lifetime to get wiser, but i think Soda got wiser when he was facing death. He just knew what to say, he was laughing at death in the face. Laughing got him through the hard days.", Soda answers still unsure whether he was speaking as Dan or himself.

"That sounds a lot like him. The funny thing is I can't remember his voice but his laugh rings like a ghost. I can remember that laugh and that smile", Darry says

"He had a great laugh", Soda comments as Dan

"He did, I love his child like humor and youth filled smile. I miss him around the house most of all ,he balanced Pony and I out.", Darry says

"I loved that about him, he was so strong during all of this", Soda answers as Dan

" I will never forget finding him without a breath. He looked so peaceful with a smile on his face as if he was remembering sometin' ", Darry says

"It's not easy when you find a loved one without a breath . I found my brother face down in the pillow when I was fifteen", Soda speaks as Dan

SOda watched as his brother began to break down , his walls went down. He was in the safety of the pastor's office, when tears rolled down his face. Darry cried and his body shook with a violent shaking. But Soda knew that was what Darry needed, he didn't need to hold back tears but let them flow.

"Go home to your brother, Darrel. He needs you right now.", Soda says as Dan and Soda both

"Thank you for this talk, I needed it", Darry says composing himself

"My door is always open", Soda says as Dan and Soda both

Soda closed the door and cried, he cried trying to forget the memories. He fought by himself for months without a support there. He planned how to tell his brothers, he didn't have "Pastor Dan" at his side. He was Pastor Dan, speaking about himself through another person.

Soda replayed the words of his brothers' in his mind, their tears in their eyes and their broke voices. He suddenly wasn't sure he did the right thing anymore.


End file.
